


Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

by ZTNBooks



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Confessions, Crushes, Domestic Fluff, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:22:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29777478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZTNBooks/pseuds/ZTNBooks
Summary: Ash and Eiji finally reunite after a year apart. Things seem like they're back to normal, whatever that might mean. However, both of them are struggling with unseen foes.Eiji, who's been struggling with his feelings towards Ash for the past year, must learn to confront those emotions.And Ash, who's spent the last year trying to convince himself he wasn't in love with Eiji, will have to accept the truth.What happens when two idiots fall in love and then leave each other for a year? Well, you know what they say, "distance makes the heart grow fonder".
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kuusouka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuusouka/gifts).



> For Cinnamon <3

People spilled out of the airport exit, flowing around Eiji as he strained to see through the mob. Nobody paid him mind. He was like a stone in a river, standing still as everything moved around him.

The Izumo airport wasn’t a place Eiji often found himself. But he was here with 

A flash of blond hair caught his eye.

“Ash!” he called out. His voice was drowned out by the crowd. He tried again. “Ash!”

This time it seemed to work. A few seconds later, Ash was pushing through the crowd and emerging before him. He looked different than Eiji remembered. His hair was longer, pulled back into a loose ponytail. But he looked… softer, almost. The bags under his eyes were less apparent and the crease between his eyebrows was nowhere to be found.

“Eiji.” Ash’s lips curled into a smile. Then, before Eiji could even react, he was pulled into a hug, crushed up against Ash’s chest. Eiji tried to struggle out of it, blush blooming on his face. He felt like everyone’s eyes were on them.

“I missed you,” Ash said, his breath ghosting over Eiji’s ear. Eiji relaxed, finally letting himself hug Ash back. Embarrassment be damned. He’d missed Ash and he wasn’t going to let this chance go.

Ash pulled back and, as shy as Eiji had been, he felt like it was too soon to be ending their embrace.

“Let’s go.” Ash took Eiji’s hand and Eiji couldn’t find it in himself to protest. He led them out of the airport, aware of the looks they got, but paying no mind to them. Ash’s hand was warm in his. He’d missed this. He hadn’t let himself admit that until now, but he’d really, _really_ missed this.

It’d been a little over a year since he’d seen Ash. So much had changed since then, more than Eiji had expected in such a short time.

They reached Eiji’s car and loaded Ash’s luggage into it. 

“Did you bring your whole house?” Eiji asked with a laugh.

“Almost the whole house,” Ash corrected. He smiled and Eiji felt his heart skip a beat. Oh… He’d missed seeing that smile. The one that made Ash’s eyes crinkle up and made Eiji feel all warm and gushy inside. He wasn’t ready to address the reason why he felt that way, not yet at least. So he didn’t let himself dwell on it. They had things to do and places to be. He settled himself into the driver’s seat and Ash took his seat on the passenger’s side. He made himself comfortable, kicking his feet up onto the dash.

Eiji pulled out of the lot, taking them home.

“So, how have you been?” Ash asked. “Where are we headed?”

“I’ve been good,” Eiji replied. “I got a new apartment a few months ago, so we’ll go drop your stuff off first. Then maybe grab a bite to eat?”

“Sounds good.”

He took a left turn and they continued on the busy road. Silence filled the car for a short while, though neither of them minded. It was comfortable, to just sit with one another after so long apart.

Ash broke the silence, asking, “So, you got a girlfriend yet?”

Eiji shot him a quick look. “Of course I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Ash glanced over at him, but he was too late to catch his gaze. “Why not? Are you that bad at flirting?”

Eiji pursed his lips but didn’t continue that line of conversation any further. 

Ash dropped it too, settling back in his seat. “Alright, what’s new with you, then?”

“I was recently employed full time with Ibe’s company. It’s not bad work.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. The new interns think I’m cool for all the stuff that happened in America but I don’t know if I see it like that.”

Ash took his feet off the dash, reaching a hand over to lay on Eiji’s shoulder. “It is cool. You were really brave. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything that I did without you.”

Eiji laughed awkwardly. “I think you’re exaggerating at least a little bit.”

“I’m not. You saved me.”

Eiji flushed, keeping his eyes glued to the road and away from Ash’s face.

They arrived at Eiji’s apartment shortly thereafter. It wasn’t a tall building like Ash was used to seeing. It was a small, two-story complex. Eiji’s unit was the first after the staircase to the upper floor.

The place was tiny. It couldn’t even really be called an apartment so much as a loft or studio. The decor was minimal and there was a bed, a desk, and a singular table as the only pieces of furniture. It wasn’t even a full-sized table, just one of those little ones that you’d have to sit on the floor to reach.

“Sorry it’s so small,” Eiji apologized. He leaned Ash’s suitcase against the wall. “I’ll get the futon out. You can sleep on the bed tonight if you want.”

“I’ll sleep on the futon. I don’t mind,” Ash assured him.

Eiji pulled open the closet on the other side of the room, reaching up to the top shelf to pull down the futon. He grunted as it slipped off the shelf and into his arms, nearly bowling him over. Ash hurried to help, but Eiji waved him off.

The futon was laid out on the floor. They had to move the table out of the way to get it spread out. It reminded Ash of his old base, somehow. The cozy nature of it all.

Eiji plopped down on top of the futon, patting the space next to him until Ash took a seat too. “How have you been doing?”

“Good. Most of the boys are doing good, too. They miss you, you know. Talk about you sometimes.”

Eiji looked shocked at that, though Ash couldn’t fathom why. He’d left quite the impression on everyone when he left. It wasn’t just Ash who’d missed him this whole time.

“You’ve been staying out of trouble, though, right?” Eiji asked.

Ash chuckled and broke their eye contact, staring out the window across the room with a far-off look in his eyes. “For the most part. I did get… hurt… on the day you left.”

“Hurt?”

Ash winced at the memory. “Stabbed.”

Eiji’s eyes blew wide and he straightened up. “Stabbed?!” He grabbed at Ash’s shoulders, eyeing him up and down as if he’d somehow be able to see the injury through Ash’s clothes. “Where? How? Who? Are you okay?!”

Ash pulled his hands off his shoulders. He reached down, lifting the hem of his shirt slightly to expose the raised scar on his stomach. Eiji inhaled sharply, reaching a hand out but hesitating like he was scared to touch it.

“I’m fine now. It was Lao, from the Chinatown gang. He caught me off guard.” Ash watched as Eiji continued to hesitate. “You can touch it.”

Eiji let his fingers graze the shiny, raised scar. It wasn’t all too large, but it looked gruesome. “Did it hurt?”

Ash barked out a laugh. “Of course it hurt. Look at it! I spent a month in the hospital and the damn thing got infected too. Nearly died.”

That didn’t help ease Eiji’s worry at all. “Nearly died?! Why didn’t you tell me any of this? You should’ve called me! I could’ve-”

“I’m fine now. That’s all that matters, isn’t it?” Ash stood, smoothing out his pants. “No need to worry about it. Now, why don’t we go get that bite to eat that you promised me?”

Eiji pursed his lips. He wanted to continue this conversation. Ask Ash what had happened and why he hadn’t bothered to alert Eiji to any of it earlier. Ash was avoiding his gaze, though. He wore that signature look of his, eyebrows furrowed and mouth pressed into a thin line. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. So Eiji stood up, stepping around Ash to the front door. “Okay, let’s go. Have you ever had udon before?”

Ash followed behind him eagerly. “Udon? Never heard of it.”

It turned out Ash loved udon. He’d slurped down half the bowl in the time it took Eiji to eat one bite. The noodles were still hot, so Eiji had no idea how Ash had horked them down so fast.

Ash watched Eiji from across this table. He reached over to wipe at a drop of broth that had splashed up onto Eiji’s face.

Eiji swatted playfully at his hand. “Worry about yourself first!” He gestured at Ash, who had half the bowl of udon stuffed in his face and broth dripping fully down his chin. Eiji grabbed a few napkins, dabbing fruitlessly at the broth. 

Ash took the napkins out of his hands and began cleaning his own face.

“You’re eating like you’ve been starving,” Eiji laughed.

After swallowing his mouthful, Ash spoke. “I was so nervous about seeing you again that I lost my appetite.”

Eiji had to admit that that was kind of cute. He ducked his head to take another bite, hoping it hid his blush from Ash. Of course, he’d thought about Ash while they were away from one another. Yet, having him here with him was something else entirely.

Ash had insisted on paying for lunch, but Eiji beat him to it. Eiji waved off his protests, insisting that Ash was the guest so he would pay for him.

The day was still young, so the boys decided they’d head to a local street market and peruse the wares.

“Are you sure you’re not too tired?” Eiji asked.

Ash shook his head. “I slept on the plane. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

Ash rested a hand on the small of Eiji’s back, guiding him through the sea of people. “I’ll let you know if I need a nap.” He said it teasingly, but Eiji heard the sigh of fond exasperation he let out afterwords.

The sun was high in the sky now, but it did little to help with the chill of the winter air. Eiji burrowed further into his scarf, tucking his hands into his pockets as they looked over the many stalls.

Most of the vendors were selling food or general household goods. Izumo wasn’t a large tourist city, especially not during the winter. But there were a few souvenir-esque goods still to be found.

Eiji pointed out a cute set of novelty shirts in various colors. “You should get those for the guys. I’m sure they’d like to have some souvenirs.”

Ash looked over the shirts with a keen eye. “Yeah, they would like those. I could send them back to America.”

He picked out two of each color and paid for them. Eiji held out a hand, offering to take one of the bags of shirts, but Ash just took his hand instead. And before Eiji could protest, he was being led by Ash back into the fray, hands intertwined.

“Takoyaki!” Eiji exclaimed suddenly, using his hold on Ash to lead him towards the food stand.

Ash jerked as Eiji suddenly pulled him, but he relented, allowing the other to drag him around.

Eiji dropped Ash’s hand as they approached the stand, reaching for his wallet and buying two skewers of the food. He turned back to Ash after collecting his purchase, holding out one for him.

“What… is it?” Ash asked. He took the skewer cautiously, spinning the stick between his fingers as he examined it.

“It’s like a corndog. But it’s got octopus inside!”

Ash wrinkled his nose. “Octopus? This isn’t going to end up being like that natto thing that you made me eat, is it?”

Eiji shook his head, mouth already full with takoyaki. He spoke around his mouthful. “It’s really good. I promise.”

Ash still looked hesitant. “If I don’t like it, you’ll eat it, right?”

Eiji rolled his eyes, pushing at Ash’s hand until the takoyaki was nearly touching his lips. “Just try it.”

Ash gave it one more dubious look, but he ate one of the spheres.

“What do you think?”

He chewed for a moment before his face lit up. “It’s good!”

Eiji laughed again. “You sound so surprised. I told you it’s good!”

“I didn’t believe you!” He polished off the rest of the takoyaki as they continued browsing the street market.

When they could no longer feel the tips of their fingers and Ash’s lips were starting to turn blue with cold, they decided to call it a day.

The apartment was welcoming with its warmth after the cold of the outdoors. Ash dropped his new purchases to the ground along with his baggage. Eiji placed some of the leftover treats they’d bought into the fridge, turning back around with two beers in hand.

“Want one?” he offered a bottle to Ash.

“I’m not old enough,” Ash reminded him.

“The law’s never stopped you before.”

Ash chuckled, taking the bottle. “You’re right about that. But I thought you’d be the one insisting on following the rules.”

“Maybe I’ve been spending too much time with you,” Eiji teased.

“Thank you for sneaking me alcohol, big brother.” Ash stuck his tongue out at Eiji, popping the cap off the bottle with practiced ease.

Eiji shook his head at Ash’s antics. He was struck again with the realization of how much he’d missed this. Their casual conversation. The relaxed energy that permeated their space. The way the silence never felt awkward between them.

He’d missed Ash most of all. He hadn’t let himself think about it too much. It’d been too painful before when he’d thought Ash had rejected him. When he’d thought he’d done something wrong. Hadn’t been good enough for him. The day he’d gone back to Japan and Ash hadn’t shown up. But that was all in the past because Ash was here now, sitting in his home, drinking with him, and looking completely at peace.

Now, the other feelings Eiji felt toward Ash… He had Ash here again and had been confronted with the truth that Ash had never actually rejected him. That he’d been _stabbed_ on the very day he was meant to leave the States with Eiji. So there was no longer that buffer to hold back the unaddressed things he felt towards Ash. No way he could push aside the emotions with a simple reminder that Ash hadn’t chosen him. 

He didn’t want to think about any of that. Not when he had the very person he’d been dreaming about for the past year right in front of him. He wanted to just enjoy the time he had with Ash. For as long as it would last.

Eiji shuffled across the floor until he was sat next to Ash, their shoulders bumping together.

Ash looked over at him questioningly. “What’s up?”

Eiji shrugged, looking up into his eyes. “Nothing. I just wanted to be closer to you.”

Ash ruffled Eiji’s hair, leaning down to press a kiss to the other’s forehead.

Eiji felt his cheeks heating and he looked down at his hands, unsure what to make of Ash’s attention.

Sure they’d had some sort of… something, back in America. But Eiji didn’t know how to define that. Or how he’d define what they had right now. Ash had never put a label on it, and Eiji had never _been_ in a relationship before, so he didn’t know what it meant to be in one. He was sure of his own feelings, as confusing as they were, because he was the one feeling them. However, when it came to guessing how Ash might feel, he had no idea.

Plus, the only time Ash had kissed him it had been to pass him that note. Surely that didn’t count as a romantic gesture. Hell, Eiji didn’t even know if Ash liked guys. Everything had been so much easier when he could ignore the events that had transpired in America. When he could ignore everything with the simple knowledge that in the end, Ash hadn’t wanted him. Not in the way he’d wanted Ash. Whatever way that was, it didn’t matter. Ash hadn’t wanted him _at all_. Or so he’d thought.

Now things were complicated. Time had muddled his emotions, as well as the new information pertaining to why exactly Ash had “left” him. Distance was supposed to make the heart grow fonder, and it had. He just didn’t know if the feeling was mutual.

He didn’t have time to keep overthinking it because Ash was suddenly cupping the back of his head, tilting his face up, and kissing him on the mouth.

Eiji floundered, nearly dropping his bottle in his surprise.

Ash was gentle, not like he’d been the first time they kissed. His lips were chapped from the cold, but he didn’t press harshly, didn’t force his way into Eiji’s mouth. He moved his hand from Eiji’s chin to his cheek, cradling his face as his lips moved against the other’s.

It took Eiji’s brain a moment to catch up with what was happening. This seemed like a clear enough answer to Eiji’s earlier inquiry as to how Ash felt about him. And now it was clear how he felt about Ash, too. He kissed him back.

He was probably awful at this. It was his first kiss after all, if he didn’t count the one back in America. But Ash didn’t seem to mind. Not if the way he pressed closer to Eiji was any indication.

They parted with a gasp, eyes locked on one another. 

Eiji was sure he was blushing hard. He could feel the heat in his cheeks and in the tips of his ears. He tried to look away from Ash, suddenly shy, but he couldn’t. Not with the way Ash was looking back at him like he wanted to devour him whole. Like he wanted to kiss Eiji over and over again until they were both breathless.

He stared down at his drink, unsure what to do now. Were his fingers shaking? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t feel like they were shaking. Then again, he wasn’t sure he could feel any part of his body at that moment. Everything was a little numb.

“Was that too much?” Ash asked. Eiji glanced at him and noted the hesitation written on his face. He didn’t usually hesitate. Didn’t usually question whether the actions he’d taken were the right ones or not. He wasn’t that kind of person. But it seemed like he was going out of his way to surprise Eiji that evening.

“N-No,” Eiji stammered out.

Ash placed a tentative hand on Eiji’s wrist, drawing his attention again. “Can I do it again?”

Eiji looked at him and took in a deep breath. “Yes.”

It was just as gentle as before, but there was less question in it. Ash’s confidence showed in the way his lips moved against Eiji’s own.

They parted again and Eiji had to remind himself to breathe.

Ash took a swig from his beer, leaning his head back against the wall. He was watching Eiji out of the corner of his eye, gauging his reaction.

That reaction was to flush bright red and avoid looking at him like he’d catch fire if he did. Which he probably would.

“Why?” Eiji asked softly, still refusing to look at Ash.

“Why not?” asked Ash. “I like you. And I wanted to. Did you not want me to?”

There it was again, that hesitation. It struck Eiji just how out of his comfort zone Ash must be. He could order the death of another without so much as blinking an eye. But when it came to things like this, the emotional tension between them, he was nervous. It made Eiji feel better knowing he wasn’t the only one struggling to navigate this emotional labyrinth.

“I… I liked it,” Eiji confessed. He could feel Ash’s watchful eye on him. He finished off the last of his beer. He didn’t want to admit just how _much_ he’d liked it. It was embarrassing, really, the effect Ash had on him. It wasn’t fair that one person could make his heart race like that. Or make him blush so hard. Or make him feel so _happy_.

“So did I.” No more words were exchanged as they sat like that, finishing their drinks. Well, it was just Ash finishing off his drink. Eiji was content to sit there quietly with him while he did so. Thoughts raced through his head, wondering what it meant. And why Ash had done it now. But he didn’t want to sour the mood by turning it into an interrogation. If Ash was fine leaving it like that, a kiss without explanation, Eiji was fine with it too.

Eiji reached over and took Ash’s empty bottle from him. His hands were still shaking from the excitement of it all. He stood, taking the bottles over to the recycling bin and dropping them in with a satisfying clink of glass on glass.

Ash got up and went to gather his pajamas from his luggage. Eiji followed suit silently. It was like they were back in their flat together. The mundane daily routine of changing into their nightclothes. Brushing their teeth next to one another in the mirror. Then Ash was pushing him out so he could use the toilet and Eiji was settling himself onto the futon.

He’d turned down the lights and nestled under the covers by the time Ash was done using the bathroom. The room was still lit with the soft light of the bedside lamp and the streetlight shining outside the window.

“Goodnight,” Eiji said. He was still buzzing to ask why Ash had kissed him, but Ash had been silent and he was nervous. Better to pretend like everything was normal.

“Goodnight,” Ash replied.

Eiji rolled over to face the wall and closed his eyes. He could still hear Ash shuffling around. Then, suddenly, the covers were being lifted behind him. He flipped back over, watching puzzled as Ash climbed under the blankets with him.

He sat up, then, looking down at Ash, who had made himself comfortable on the futon at this point.

“What are you doing?”

Ash blinked up at him. “I told you I would sleep on the futon.”

“And I told you _I_ would!”

Ash shrugged, closing his eyes. “Too late. I’m already here.”

Eiji didn’t know what to do. He just sat there, looking down at Ash like the guy had three heads.

Ash squinted to look at him. “Just go to sleep.” He reached up and pulled Eiji back down onto the futon, his head hitting the pillow.

They were so close now. When Eiji rolled onto his side, Ash’s face was right in front of his. And now that he was seeing him up-close and personal again, he remembered just how much he loved Ash’s sleeping face. He’d seen it countless times in the short time they’d lived together. But something about the serene calm that overtook his features like this captivated Eiji’s attention. He wished he could see Ash this calm all the time.

Ash cracked an eye open and saw Eiji staring at him. “What’re you looking at? You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“You’re supposed to be on the bed,” Eiji said.

“I’d rather sleep here.” Ash closed his eyes again, wiggling further into the futon.

Eiji pushed at his shoulder. “Ash, just let me sleep on the futon.”

“I don’t have any problem with you sleeping on the futon.”

“Then why aren’t you on the bed?”

Ash huffed, “I said I have no problem with you sleeping on the futon. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to sleep on it, too. Now stop looking at me. Go to sleep.”

“I _can’t_.”

Ash slung an arm over Eiji, pulling him even closer. “Am I really that awful that you can’t bear to let me sleep in your bed for one night?”

“It’s not that…”

Ash let out a small sigh, burying his face in Eiji’s hair. “I missed you.”

Eiji clutched at Ash’s shirt, letting Ash pull him even closer. “I missed you, too.”

Eiji wanted to say something else, but he wasn’t sure how to phrase his current thoughts. Wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell Ash that he’d made up his mind about his feelings. He didn’t get a chance to say anything, though, as it was only a moment later that Ash’s breathing steadied out. He’d fallen asleep.

It was expected, seeing as he’d had a long flight getting to Japan. Then they’d spent the day exploring with not a moment to rest.

Eiji’s questions could wait. He let the emotional stew inside him simmer down until it was nothing more than a tickling itch in the back of his mind. He didn’t need answers right now. Ash was here and he wasn’t going to disappear in the middle of the night. There was no rush for answers.

He closed his eyes, letting the sound of Ash’s gentle breathing lull him to sleep.

The next morning was familiar, in a way. Eiji awoke first, finding that he’d rolled over in his sleep and was now facing the wall instead of facing Ash.

He sat up and rubbed at his eyes. Faint sunlight was peeking through his curtains, though it wasn’t all too bright. Ash had pulled most of the blankets over himself during the night. His hair was spread over the pillow like a bird’s nest.

Eiji debated waking him, but memories of grumpy, half-awake Ash flooded his mind and he decided against it.

Instead, he started in on breakfast; they were having shrimp and avocado salad, Ash’s favorite. He’d made sure to prep before Ash arrived. He’d been so excited to see him again that he’d gotten carried away with everything. Stocked up on all of Ash’s favorite foods and cleaned the apartment until it shined. Not that he regretted doing any of that. But he knew that Ash wouldn’t really care if the soap scum in the shower wasn’t one hundred percent gone. Or if they ate a more traditional breakfast instead of his favorite dish.

It just felt nice to do something for someone else. Someone he cared about.

Eiji was nearly done with the food when a groggy voice spoke up from behind him. “Good morning.”

He turned, finding Ash with half-closed eyes leaning on the kitchen counter.

“You’re up early,” he noted.

Ash shrugged with one shoulder, eyes slipping fully closed as he mumbled something under his breath.

“What?” Eiji asked.

“Come back to bed,” he mumbled more intelligibly this time.

Eiji placed the bowl of shrimp and avocado salad in front of Ash. That seemed to knock some life into him. He straightened up, all thoughts of going back to sleep forgotten.

“Is this for me?”

“No, I made it all for myself,” Eiji teased. He handed Ash a fork.

Ash took the fork Eiji offered to him and dug in. His eyes slipped close again, but only because he was savoring the taste of it.

“Is it good?”

Ash scoffed. “What kind of question is that? Of course it’s good.”

Eiji smiled to himself, tucking into his own bowl of food.

“What’s the plan for today?” Ash asked as he finished his breakfast. 

Eiji, having finished at nearly the same time, made to take Ash’s bowl to wash. But Ash beat him to it, taking Eiji’s and bringing both over to the sink to wash.

Eiji propped himself against the counter to watch as he washed the dishes.

“We’re going to go meet Mr. Ibe for lunch. I don’t really have anything planned aside from that. We can just hang out if you want. I know we did a lot yesterday so you must be tired.”

Ash shook the water off the last fork and placed it in the drying rack. He dried his hands then turned to Eiji. “That sounds good.”

Eiji nodded. “Good. Well, go get ready then!”

Ash leaned forward, placing a small kiss on the top of Eiji’s head. “Alright, I’m going.”

Eiji flushed, grateful that Ash was already headed to his suitcase to grab some clothes and couldn’t see his face. Eiji followed after him so he could get ready for the day ahead as well. They killed some time before lunch playing video games. Eiji didn’t have a large selection, but Ash seemed to enjoy it nonetheless.

They left the apartment shortly thereafter, Ash yawning as Eiji locked the door.

“Still tired?” Eiji asked.

Ash stretched his arms over his head, nodding as an answer.

“Come on. Lunch will help you wake up.”

Eiji lead the way and Ash padded along behind him like a puppy. It was cold out and the layers they wore didn’t do much to keep the chill out. Ash reached out to take Eiji’s hand in his. He could still feel Ash’s body heat through their gloves and it made him blush. But he didn’t pull away, he just pulled Ash gently behind him.

The car took a moment to start up and the engine strained in the cold. Eiji cranked up the heat before pulling out of the lot and into the street.

Thankfully, the drive to the restaurant didn’t take long. They shivered their way out of the car and into the heat of the small shop. Mr. Ibe was already there and he waved at the pair as they entered. He embraced Ash before they all took a seat at one of the booths.

“How have you been?” Ibe asked. “Not getting into trouble lately, I hope.”

Ash let out a dry laugh. “I’m doing my best not to.” Ibe may not have noticed it when Ash’s hand went to his stomach, but Eiji did. 

The waiter arrived a moment later, greeting the lot of them, starting them with water, and handing them each a menu. Ash stared down at it with his lips pursed.

Eiji leaned over to peek at his menu, even though he had his own in front of him. “What’re you going to order?”

Ash sighed, flipping the menu over once, then again. Then, with another sigh of exasperation, “I can’t read Japanese.”

Ibe laughed boisterously as Eiji flushed. He’d forgotten momentarily.

“Here,” Eiji gestured to the menu, listing off the food names and what they were. In the end, Ash decided he’d just get whatever Eiji was getting.

Ibe called the waiter back over and they put in their orders.

“How are things for you, Mr. Ibe?” Ash asked as the waiter left.

Ibe waved a hand dismissively, “Oh, you know, the same as I’ve always been.”

“I heard Eiji has started working with you?”

“Yes, he has. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but he’s the best our company has had for a while. Really passionate about his work.”

Eiji blushed. “Well, I wouldn’t go as far as to say that.”

Ash glanced at him, giving him a little smile. 

“What about you, Ash? How are things back in America?” Ibe prodded.

“They’re okay I suppose.”

“Are you still involved with the gangs?”

Ash shook his head. “No, no. I left the gang around the same time you guys left.”

That bit of news caused Eiji to choke on the water he’d been sipping. “What? You left?”

“Yes,” Ash said. Then, noticing Eiji’s expression, he continued, “Oh, I forgot to tell you.”

“Was it because of…” He trailed off with a brief look down to where Ash’s hand was still layed over his abdomen. 

“Partially. But mostly because I realized I’m tired of that life. It was good but I didn’t want to live like that forever.”

Ibe, clearly confused but not willing to pry, soldiered on, “Do you keep in touch with them?”

Ash brightened up at that, always full of eagerness to talk about his friends. The conversation carried on casually this way. Their food was brought out and promptly devoured. Then, after a good hour or so had elapsed, they bid their goodbyes.

Ibe and Ash might have brushed over the little fact that Ash had left the gang, but that fact was still solid in Eiji’s mind. As they got back into the car, Eiji asked Ash about it.

Ash didn’t look surprised by his question, just thoughtful as he considered how to explain it. “I guess it has to do with you, mostly.”

Eiji, having already pulled back onto the roads, shot him a quick yet surprised look. “Me?”

He nodded. “I mean, being stabbed had something to do with it. But it was mostly you.”

“How?”

Ash looked at him. Looked at the sun shining off his face. His brow furrowed in confusion. His hands gripping tightly onto the wheel. And he was filled with an emotion that he had no hope of ever explaining in words. “Just… you.”

That didn’t answer his question in the slightest, but Eiji somehow felt what Ash meant. Things had changed for Ash when Eiji showed up in America. He knew that much. Had heard it said between Ash’s men often enough to know the validity of it. But it still shocked him to hear it said from Ash himself. 

They headed back home, having nowhere else to go in mind and content to spend a cold day huddled up under piles of blankets.

The silence was comfortable between them. Even after a year of not seeing one another, it still felt natural to be like this. Content to spend time together just existing. Eiji bustled about the apartment, pulling some spare blankets out of the closet and cranking the heater up. It was colder today than it’d been when Ash first arrived.

Ash made himself comfortable on the bed while he waited for Eiji. Eventually, the other joined him and they sat together, using their shared body heat to warm up. Ash beckoned Eiji closer, throwing his blanket around the other so they could share a bit of body heat.

“I’m happy you decided to visit,” Eiji confessed softly. 

Ash leaned his head atop Eiji’s own. “I’m happy, too. I missed you.”

“I wish you didn’t have to leave.”

Ash stiffened beside him and Eiji turned his head slightly to look at him. Ash cleared his throat. “Actually, there was something I wanted to talk about.”

Eiji blinked at him wordlessly.

“I was thinking about staying here. In Japan.”

Eiji sucked in a surprised breath. “Really? Like, with me?”

Ash lifted his head so he could really look at Eiji. “Would you want me to? I was thinking more along the lines of finding my own place and moving here.”

Eiji tried not to acknowledge the pang of disappointment that shot through him. “Oh…”

Ash was quick to take his hand in his own, stroking soothingly over the other’s skin. “I wouldn’t mind staying here with you, though. If you’re fine with it.”

“Are you serious?”

“Are _you_ serious?”

Eiji nodded. “But… why? Why would you want to stay here instead of going back to America? Your whole life is there.”

Ash gripped Eiji’s hand a little harder. “Not really. I don’t have anything left for me in America. And there are people there who aren’t ready to forgive me for things I’ve done.”

“So you’re on the run.”

Ash snorted. “I guess you could put it that way. Not so much running as I am just laying low.”

“Is that why you came here?” Eiji asked. He held his breath as he waited for Ash’s answer. 

“Of course not. I came to see you.”

Eiji released his breath, relieved to hear it. He’d never had reason to doubt Ash and wasn’t expecting it to be different this time. It was still comforting to hear, though.

“I want you to stay,” Eiji confessed.

“Good, because I want to stay. I don’t want to say goodbye to you again.” Ash slid his hand deeper into Eiji’s. “I like you. A lot.”

“You do?”

Ash laughed. “I thought you knew? After all, I kissed you yesterday.”

“I- I wasn’t sure- I mean, you did that before, too. And I didn’t think it meant anything then, so I didn’t know if-”

Ash cut him off, his expression somber. “Eiji, the truth is… I’ve always liked you. I waited for a whole year, thinking that maybe my feelings would change. No matter how hard I tried, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Ash’s voice was softer than Eiji had ever heard it before. “I know I only bring trouble. Nothing good can come from me being around. But I don’t want to stay away from you. I _can’t_ stay away from you.”

“Then don’t.” The words came to him easily now. He felt like he was floating, in a way. He’d never wanted something as much as he wanted this. As much as he wanted Ash in that very moment. “Stay here with me.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I want you to stay because…” The words, no, the feelings that Eiji had been suppressing up until that point finally spilled out. “I like you too.”

Ash blinked at him in surprise and Eiji powered on. “I thought you chose to leave me, back when I gave you that plane ticket. You didn’t show up. And then you didn’t bother to talk to me for the past year. I gave up hope and I thought that maybe I misunderstood everything that happened with us.”

Ash reached out, taking Eiji’s chin in hand and tilting his head up until their eyes met. “You know why I didn’t make it on the flight that day. I never meant to make you feel unwanted, Eiji. I swear.”

“Then why didn’t you try and talk to me? After that, I mean.”

Ash faltered, his brow creasing as he considered Eiji’s question. “I didn’t want to burden you anymore. You got hurt so many times because of me and I couldn’t stand the thought of hurting you again.” He sucked in a breath before continuing. “In the end, I couldn’t take it anymore. I missed you. I couldn’t stand being away from you, even though I know how much trouble I cause. I’m sorry.”

He released Eiji’s chin, hanging his own head in shame. He tried to pull his hand away, but Eiji just tightened his grip.

“Ash,” Eiji said, getting Ash’s attention. “I get it, okay? I’m not mad and I don’t hold it against you. I just wanted to know.” He leaned his head on Ash’s shoulder. “What matters is that you’re here now and we’re together again. Just… promise not to leave this time.”

Ash kissed the top of Eiji’s head. “I promise.” He brushed the hair off Eiji’s forehead. “And Eiji?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

He leaned over and kissed Eiji again. This time, Eiji didn’t hesitate to kiss back. He knew what it meant to Ash now. Knew that Ash felt the same way about him that he felt about Ash. It filled him with confidence and made his heart beat a fraction harder in his chest.

Ash didn’t hold back either. He was gentle but persistent. He wanted everything Eiji would give him. He was selfish and he knew it. He’d acknowledged and come to terms with that fact. Eiji didn’t seem to have a problem with it, though, so Ash didn’t let it bother him either. He was allowed to be a little selfish. Just this once, he reasoned with himself.

He reached out with his free hand, the one not intertwined with Eiji’s own. His fingers slipped up beneath the hem of Eiji’s shirt, brushing bare skin.

Eiji flinched back, breaking this kiss. His startled reaction spread to Ash, who jerked his hand away, worried he’d overstepped a boundary.

“Sorry,” Ash was quick to apologize. “I should have asked first.”

“Your hands are cold,” Eiji commented with a laugh. “You scared me.”

“They are?” Ash touched the back of his hand to his own arm, concluding that Eiji was right and his hands were indeed chilly. “Do you want to warm them up for me?”

Eiji flushed at the implications of that statement but he nodded.

Ash cupped the side of Eiji’s face with his hand, icy digits resting on the warm blush blooming on the other’s cheeks. He slid his thumb down until he was toying with Eiji’s bottom lip, still shiny with the evidence of their kiss. He pushed lightly and Eiji’s lips parted easily with the pad of Ash’s thumb pressed on the bottom lip.

“You’re so pretty,” Ash murmured.

Eiji muttered something in reply. Ash couldn’t discern what it could’ve been considering his hand was currently impeding Eiji’s ability to speak. There was no mistaking the perturbed tone of it, however.

Ash pulled back, still content to just hold Eiji’s face in his hand.

“What are you doing?” Eiji asked. His tone wasn’t one of malice or disgust, but simply a confused query.

“Savoring you,” Ash answered with a short laugh.

“I’m not a dessert!” Eiji protested.

Ash nodded his head in agreement. “I know. You make me much happier than any dessert ever could.”

Eiji didn’t know how to reply to that, so he didn’t. He just captured Ash’s mouth with his own again and pulled at his shirt until both boys were bowled over in bed. Ash straddled him easily, long legs braced on either side of Eiji.

Eiji blushed again at their proximity, causing Ash to laugh in amusement. 

“You’re so cute,” Ash noted.

“This is embarrassing…”

Ash slid both hands up under Eiji’s shirt, resting them on his waist. “Do you want me to stop?”

Eiji turned his head to the side, avoiding Ash’s gaze. It just made the bright red flush of his ears all that more visible, though. “N-no,” he stammered out.

So Ash didn’t stop. He mapped Eiji’s body with his hands, committing to memory what his eyes alone couldn’t. He wanted more of Eiji. Whatever he was willing to give him. He kissed him again, addicted now that he was allowed to, now that Eiji was receptive and reciprocal with the gesture. 

“I want to touch you, too,” Eiji huffed out. 

“I’m not stopping you.”

Eiji reached out hesitantly, mirroring Ash’s motions on him. He brushed over the scar on his stomach, a pang of sympathy shooting through him. It wasn’t the only scar there, but the taut, raised skin of it spoke to its severity.

“What’re you thinking about?” Ash asked.

Eiji pursed his lips, contemplating before he answered. “I feel bad that you got hurt.”

“You don’t have to protect me, Eiji.”

“I want to, though. If you’ll let me.”

Ash smiled and it filled with Eiji with warmth. “Whatever you want.” He rolled off of Eiji, motioning for him to follow the movement until their positions were reversed from how they’d been.

Ash was ethereal like this. His hair was fanned out over the pillow, his shirt was rucked up around his waist, and he was looking up at Eiji like he held the secrets of the universe. 

Eiji had never felt possessive about things. He wasn’t one to get too attached, especially after the disappointment of losing the thing he valued most so long ago. That thing being his ability to participate in sports. It was easier to expect that nothing lasted forever and that unexpected events would inevitably change the future. But right now, Eiji felt that pull of possessiveness. He wanted to keep Ash and himself in this moment forever. Even if it was impossible, he never wanted it to end.

“You’re blushing,” Ash noted.

Eiji covered his face with his hands, his blush only intensifying after Ash pointed it out. Ash eased his hands away and used his hold to pull Eiji down until they were flush against one another.

“Are you sure you want me to stay here?” Ash asked. Eiji saw a hint of hesitation flash on his face. It was gone almost as quickly as it had appeared.

“I’m sure.” 

“Kiss me again.”

Eiji obliged him and soon found himself lost in Ash. He wasn’t sure how long they spent there, just basking in each other’s presence. He didn’t want to tear away from this moment.

Of course, Ash had to be the one to break the bubble of tranquility they were in.

“Are you hard?” he asked, a hint of surprise coloring his words.

Eiji slapped a hand over Ash’s mouth before he could even register what he’d done. “What?!”

Ash just shot him a pointed look.

Eiji looked away, staring at the door to the bathroom in his effort to avoid Ash's gaze. That didn't work because Ash just cupped his face in hand and turned his attention back to him.

"I can't help it," Eiji hissed as Ash freed his face from Eiji's hands. 

"It's not a bad thing," Ash reassured him. "After all, I'm in the same boat."

Eiji was suddenly hyper-aware of where he was sitting. He shifted his hips subconsciously. That ended up being a mistake when he could feel the proof of Ash's words pressing against him.

"So…" Ash began, trailing his hands along Eiji's thighs, "Do you want to do something about it?"

"I-I've never…"

"We don't have to," Ash said quickly. "It's your choice."

“I didn’t tell you I liked you just so something like this would happen.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want you to think that I’m doing all of this for… for shallow reasons.”

Ash squeezed Eiji’s thighs in a gesture of reassurance. “Eiji, I know. If you want to stop, just say the word.”

Eiji didn’t say anything.

Ash took that as his cue to continue, pushing up until his thumbs were resting along the creases of Eiji’s thigh. Eiji twitched backward, shy at the touch. The action wasn’t in his favor, though, as it lined his dick up perfectly with Ash’s. 

“Eiji.” Ash stilled him with the grip he had on him. They looked at one another for a brief moment. “Do it again.”

Tentatively, his inexperience showing through, Eiji rolled his hips again. Their clothed cocks rubbed together and the sensation jolted up Eiji’s spine.

Ash encouraged the movement, pulling lightly at Eiji until he did it again. And again. And again. Over and over until Eiji was shaking like a leaf, hands gripping onto Ash’s arms and eyes glazed over.

Not that Ash was in any better state. His grip tightened on Eiji’s body and he couldn’t stop the unconscious little upward jerk of his hips.

“Ash,” Eiji moaned. He bowed his head low, eyes fluttering closed as his rhythm stuttered. “I’m going to…”

Ash looped his arms around Eiji’s neck, pulling him down and kissing him firmly. A kiss that was quickly interrupted by Eiji's broken moan as he spilled into his pants. The sight of him, wrecked and blissful, was enough to send Ash over the edge as well.

They laid there for a moment, the air between them full of warmth. Eiji was staring at him, eyes sparkling and face flushed. Ash couldn’t help but laugh. He was so happy. He had finally been able to do something like this for fun and for himself. They’d come in their pants like teens, grinding on each other while they made out. It was so stupid, yet Ash couldn’t stop smiling at the thought. Finally being able to be with the person he loved and feel comfortable and safe… The feeling was too complex to put into words.

He’d waited over a year, scared of his own feelings and worried that Eiji would never return the sentiment. Especially after Ash had left him without an explanation for all of that time. But now it seemed like he’d had nothing to worry about. He was here and Eiji was in his arms and everything felt wonderful, perfectly right.

Eiji pushed the hair off of Ash’s forehead. He’d never felt this way before. He’d never wanted someone as much as he’d wanted Ash. As embarrassing as what they’d just done was, Eiji didn’t feel the need to hide his face. He felt at ease with Ash. And now that he was feeling it, he realized it was a feeling he’d been missing the past year. He’d been on edge, wondering what he’d done to turn Ash away. Stressing over every detail of his life, hoping that someday he’d be able to go back to normal and stop thinking about the man he’d left in America. But now, with Ash splayed out under him looking like the cat that got the cream, Eiji was finally able to breathe.

Ash was here. And so was Eiji. It didn’t matter what had happened in the past, or what communicational missteps they’d made. All that mattered was the fact that the two of them were together again. And neither one of them ever, ever wanted to let go.


End file.
